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Motherhood: What We Don’t Talk About

It’s so easy to talk about the joys of parenthood—about all the wonderful things our children say and do. 

Like when your daughter is reading above her grade level, or when you notice your son understands emotions better than some adults—when he is upset and crying but can somehow verbalize it in appropriate feeling words. Or, when your baby meets a milestone, starts walking, or talking. Or maybe you had a “mom-win” when your child shared well with other children at the public library. This list could go on.

It’s a lot harder to talk about the difficult moments. 

Like the other day when I was burnt out from taking care of three children while not feeling well myself. First, there is the fact that parents don’t get true sick days— we have to push through. Well, my son asked for eggs so I made him some. Then my daughter changed her mind and asked for eggs too. Once I cooked them, everyone changed their minds and no one wanted eggs. All the while the baby was screaming, because she was hungry too. As the baby screamed, the older kids started screaming, crying, and fighting over a game. The game pieces flew everywhere! And honestly, all the screaming got to me until I was screaming and crying myself. All of the pent-up emotion I had been holding back during that difficult week came pouring out. 

Why is it so hard to talk about moments like this?

Why is it that people don’t want to share their truth? 

We may instead hold it all in and shove it down deep. Maybe it all comes down to what “they say.” We see “them” out there with the shiny lives, sharing the good for all to see. But the truth is, it’s not ALL good for ANYONE. Everyone has their struggles. There are times when you can see the smile on my face—maybe you would never know that at that moment my stomach feels like it’s closing in on itself and it’s hard to breathe. 

Where do feelings like these come from?

Maybe they come because parenting is hard. Maybe we are giving so much of ourselves and forgetting to charge ourselves back up. Maybe we feel so alone in it all because no one is talking about the hard parts. Parenting can be so lonely. 

So let’s fix this. Let’s open up about the way we are feeling, about the hard days, about the struggles. Let’s lean on each other, help each other, and tell each other that it’s going to be okay… that we have been there too and have come out okay. 

And don’t get me wrong, I love being a parent. It’s not that I am unthankful for this beautiful gift I have been given—because I am. I am so thankful in fact that it’s the main reason I feel this way: The days where I know I have been given such blessings but I feel like I’m only messing it up. And the truth is we all feel this way at times, parents or not. No one is free from troubles or tough spots. So let’s share our truth. Open up about the way we are feeling and be there for the parent who is currently struggling. Let’s show each other that we aren’t in this alone and that we are not the only ones feeling this way. Maybe then we can put a dent in this phenomenon of feeling like we aren’t enough.

motherhood what we don't talk about

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You may also enjoy – Snowplow Parenting: What You Need to Know or Sometimes Strength Requires a Break

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16 responses to “Motherhood: What We Don’t Talk About”

  1. Meghan says:

    This is a great post! So honest and so true.

  2. Marna Altman says:

    I am the mom who talks about the difficult moments. I am the mom who looks a mess and whos house is a mess. Thank you for the real and honest post.

    • admin says:

      Hi Marna! I am right there with you! I love honesty, because we can see we aren’t alone in this! And, you are so welcome!

  3. Julie says:

    You’re so right- there are so many parenting things we don’t talk about. I try to always share the positive things but it really does help if you have a friend you can talk to about the hard/ugly side of parenting. I think opening up a discussion about the hard things makes them a little easier – knowing you’re not alone!

    • admin says:

      Hi Julie! Absolutely! Sometimes it can even feel hard to share with friends. Having friends who you can be open with is such a blessing. Positivity is beautiful too. Thank you for sharing!

  4. Sherry says:

    I love this post and cannot agree with you more! I love being a mom, but not every day is easy. Some days are hard! I have often told my kids that “I’m proving every day that I’m human.” We all do our best but some days it just doesn’t feel like our best is good enough. Some days, we just need to lay out on the couch or lock ourselves in the bathroom and simply breathe.

    • admin says:

      Hi Sherry! I have been there for sure and can relate! So many beautiful days and so many hard ones too. I love how you said you are proving you are human! It is so true! Thank you!

  5. j casey says:

    All of this is so so true!! Glad you wrote it out for all us other moms to agree and not feel so alone!

    • admin says:

      Hi J Casey! You are so welcome! I hope I can help other parents out there feel less alone! I truly appreciate your kind comment!

  6. Just wait until you have teenagers! If I didn’t have other moms to vent to I wouldn’t go crazy. Thanks for reminding others it’s okay to be vulnerable about our imperfection lifes.

    • admin says:

      Hi Jenn! You’re welcome! I am glad to open up and share my truth. There are hard moments, and luckily there are beautiful ones too! Being able to vent is definitely key and I can imagine I am going to need that during the teenage years big time! Thank you for your sweet words!

  7. Afee says:

    Hi! I am a 22year old mom of two under two..this post did really gave me confidence..i used to feel the same that am not good enough alone etc etc…but now i have made my mind not to think too much n just enjoy this journey cos you are going to miss all this once your kids grow just enjoy your motherhood and believe that you are the best and no one in this world could love your kids than you in this world after all you are the one who brought them to the world!

    • admin says:

      Hi Afee! Thank you so much for your sweet comment! I am so happy that you found the post helpful and encouraging! I can relate to those feelings! And so very true! No one can love them like we do!

  8. Hi Lauren,
    Thank you for sharing! Reading this made me tear up a little because it is so true. We all try so hard to be the perfect mother and sometime forget that we are people too and need to take care of ourselves and our own emotions. Motherhood is hard no matter how much you love your kids, there are always those bad days. I’ve started to realize that those bad days don’t mean I’m failing at motherhood, it’s just a part of it. And how we deal with it or learn from it, is the real test.
    Thank you for being so real!

    • admin says:

      Hi Heather! I truly appreciate you sharing! I feel the same way and it is so nice to know that we are not alone in this! I tear up too hearing stories from you guys because it also helps me see that I am not alone!I love how you say it’s the real test, because its so true! Not about the mistakes, but in how we learn and grow! Love it!

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