Motherhood: What We Don’t Talk About
(Posted on Thursday, April 11, 2019)
It’s so easy to talk about the joys of parenthood—about all the wonderful things our children say and do.
Like when your daughter is reading above her grade level, or when you notice your son understands emotions better than some adults—when he is upset and crying but can somehow verbalize it in appropriate feeling words. Or, when your baby meets a milestone, starts walking, or talking. Or maybe you had a “mom-win” when your child shared well with other children at the public library. This list could go on.
It’s a lot harder to talk about the difficult moments.
Like the other day when I was burnt out from taking care of three children while not feeling well myself. First, there is the fact that parents don’t get true sick days— we have to push through. Well, my son asked for eggs so I made him some. Then my daughter changed her mind and asked for eggs too. Once I cooked them, everyone changed their minds and no one wanted eggs. All the while the baby was screaming, because she was hungry too. As the baby screamed, the older kids started screaming, crying, and fighting over a game. The game pieces flew everywhere! And honestly, all the screaming got to me until I was screaming and crying myself. All of the pent-up emotion I had been holding back during that difficult week came pouring out.
Why is it so hard to talk about moments like this?
Why is it that people don’t want to share their truth?
We may instead hold it all in and shove it down deep. Maybe it all comes down to what “they say.” We see “them” out there with the shiny lives, sharing the good for all to see. But the truth is, it’s not ALL good for ANYONE. Everyone has their struggles. There are times when you can see the smile on my face—maybe you would never know that at that moment my stomach feels like it’s closing in on itself and it’s hard to breathe.
Where do feelings like these come from?
Maybe they come because parenting is hard. Maybe we are giving so much of ourselves and forgetting to charge ourselves back up. Maybe we feel so alone in it all because no one is talking about the hard parts. Parenting can be so lonely.
So let’s fix this. Let’s open up about the way we are feeling, about the hard days, about the struggles. Let’s lean on each other, help each other, and tell each other that it’s going to be okay… that we have been there too and have come out okay.
And don’t get me wrong, I love being a parent. It’s not that I am unthankful for this beautiful gift I have been given—because I am. I am so thankful in fact that it’s the main reason I feel this way: The days where I know I have been given such blessings but I feel like I’m only messing it up. And the truth is we all feel this way at times, parents or not. No one is free from troubles or tough spots. So let’s share our truth. Open up about the way we are feeling and be there for the parent who is currently struggling. Let’s show each other that we aren’t in this alone and that we are not the only ones feeling this way. Maybe then we can put a dent in this phenomenon of feeling like we aren’t enough.
To learn more about me and my blog, check out – About Lauren
You may also enjoy – Snowplow Parenting: What You Need to Know or Sometimes Strength Requires a Break