The Love Will Come Through
(Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2018)
There are days when I get so frustrated. The baby only wants to be held, but even when held she won’t calm down. She pulls my hair and claws at my face and neck. It hurts. I try and try, but nothing works. I start to get so frustrated. I lose my patience… and then she falls asleep. She sleeps so calmly in my arms. I look down at her and I feel so bad for the anger and frustration I felt. As I look at her, I feel so guilty that I take the moments I have with her for granted. I am reminded how fast she is growing, how before I blink she will no longer be a baby. And here I am getting angry and frustrated instead of enjoying these fleeting moments. I am so scared that I will look back and feel like I didn’t enjoy this stage enough… that I was too busy. Then I cry. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like we all do at times. But I realized, the more time I spend crying or feeling guilty over it, the more good moments I am missing. So, I will pick myself back up, remind myself that it is okay to feel this way at times, that no one is perfect. Then I will try to enjoy the next moment that comes along instead of beating myself up. The reality of it is, all this guilt, frustration, and worry stems from love. We wouldn’t be feeling these things if we didn’t care, if we didn’t love these babies more than we even loved ourselves. We have to trust that that love will come through. And I believe, love is the single most important thing we can give our children. So don’t feel bad. Don’t feel guilt. I think even in these hard moments, we are winning.